No matter our level of intelligence, how hard we work, or the depth of our spiritual realization, we all have moments when we fail to realize our goals or desired outcomes. We all experience failure. What is important is not the actual failure, but how we respond to it. Egoic responses to failure tend to be denial, blame, and shame. Obviously, these responses only make matters worse. In today’s Gospel from Luke 5:1-11, Jesus’ disciples spent all night fishing and caught nothing. Exhausted, they finally gave up and came ashore, where they encountered Jesus.
“Jesus said to Simon, ‘Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.’ Simon said in reply, ‘Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.’ When they had done this, they caught so many fish that their nets were tearing. They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that the boats were in danger of sinking. When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said, ‘Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man,’ for astonishment at the catch of fish they had made seized him and all those with him, and likewise James and John, the sons of Zebedee, who were partners of Simon. Jesus said to Simon, ‘Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.’ When they brought their boats to the shore, they left everything and followed him.”
The prime takeaway from the story is that failure seems to be an essential aspect of spiritual transformation. If the disciples had been successful in their fishing expedition, their encounter with Jesus would have been very different; it might not have happened at all. Their failure became an opportunity for Jesus to intervene and for God’s inscrutable designs to manifest in their lives. Our egos think they are in charge, that they control our futures, that they are gods. This is an illusion and occasion for great suffering.
Why is failure necessary? The ego, which is a room with no windows, only mirrors, is mired in its own self-punishing distortions. Failure breaks down the walls of the ego, allowing God’s light to break into our interior ignorance, blindness, and darkness. And though this deconstruction is never comfortable, it paves the way for God’s new possibilities to spring forth in our lives. Jesus, possessing the fullness of God’s wisdom, first tells Peter and his disciples to “not be afraid,” because he knew their lives were unfolding within the context of God’s loving providence. Then, Jesus revealed God’s reconstructive plan for their lives: they would become “fishers of men.”
We need to rest in this truth: God is using everything that happens to us to serve our highest good, even our colossal failures. When we offer our failures to God something magical happens: they become altars upon which God builds structures of immense beauty. For our part we need to do two things: forgive ourselves and then obey God’s plans for our lives. Remember these inspired words of Yogananda, and trust that they apply to you: “God is love; His plan for creation is rooted only in love.”
Divine God, Beloved Guruji,
My failure is necessary
In this journey that I take with you,
But I can trust that
A plan for my life exists
That is beautiful and full of joy.
